


After Thoughts

by dreamchaser31



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 12:23:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18810838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamchaser31/pseuds/dreamchaser31
Summary: After Endgame, Bucky contemplates his guilt and loneliness.





	After Thoughts

It was two months after Thanos, and the Avengers compound was slowly being rebuilt, at Pepper's demand. The team, what little team they had left, were there, day in and day out seeing to modifications, and doing heavy lifting when needed. 

There were Asgadians clearing debris and Wakandans installing state-of-the-art tech at Shuri's insistence. 

To Bucky it was all a bit bizarre. He sat at a picnic table, nursing a bottle of water as he took a break. 

Many people had stopped by to see if he was ok, Steve included. He'd been hovering these last two weeks, probably worried that he'd flip again. 

Truthfully he was ok with the decision. Steve had talked to him first about taking the shield. Probably a guilty conscience over everything that Bucky had been through, and what Steve himself was about to do. 

Bucky couldn't take it. Not only could he not take it, he did not want it. The responsibility alone was enough to make him cringe. Plus he was still coming to terms with all that he was and all that he did. 

People were still afraid of him 

That thought alone caused him pain. 

He used to be outgoing, and smart. He never knew a stranger. Never had a night when he couldn't get a dame on his arm. Never missed a dance. Never lost a fight. 

Now he was in a constant fight with his mind, and it was a battle that he was continuously losing. 

Truth be told he didn't know if he'd ever win.

More often than not he'd look at Steve with envy these days. The bastard was able to go back in time and live out his life. Steve kept who he married close to his vest, but he wasn't stupid. 

Steve only loved one woman his entire life. 

There was a time before the war that wanted that too. Marriage. Children. Love. 

Now he was too damaged to capture any lady's attention let alone get married to one. 

He shook his head and let out a sigh as he watched Sam argue about something with a man called Dr. Strange. 

'Idiots,' he muttered under his breath. He didn't mean it, of course. The people on the compound were some of his closest friends. He didn't have many. But allies on the battlefield turned them into allies off. He even got along with Tony's wife now. Morgan, his daughter, and Rhodes ate lunch with him more often than not. 

'Can you shoot fire from your arm, like my daddy can?' The question was innocent enough, but reminded him of her loss. And loss was something that he was all too familiar with.

To say he'd bonded with Morgan Stark was an understatement. He was always the first one she'd find when she showed up with her mother daily. Probably his limitless energy, thanks to the serum. Whatever it was, it lead to hundreds of games of 'airplane' and a ton of shoulder rides . 

He didn't mind. Sam said that kids were good judges of character. And while he didn't feel like he had anything good to offer the world, at least Morgan Stark saw some value. 

There were more people here now. Some scientist that use to date Thor, and her very loud assistant, who Sam got a kick out of. He wasn't much for conversation when he'd been introduced to the assistant. Her 'Holy shit! There are two of you?!,' was enough to tell him to keep his distance. He didn't stay to meet the scientist. The loud woman had put him out of sorts. 

They sure didn't make them like they use to. Women were louder, more opinionated. Smarter. Maybe they we're always that way. More than an ornament for a man's arm. 

Whatever it was, he wasn't sure how he felt about it. 

He just wanted someone to hold his hand, and go out to dinner, and take out dancing. 

Maybe that's something he'd never have. Another thing that'd he'd miss out on.

He wanted someone who he could take care of. Someone who'd lean on him through difficulties. Someone who would let him be the man he always wanted to be. 

He was so deep in his thoughts, that he didn't notice someone sit across from him. "Is this seat taken?" 

The voice was soft, feminine. He looked up into the deep brown eyes of an angel. 

She grinned at him. "Not much for talking, huh?"

He had something stuck in his throat. He couldn't swallow. That had to be it. He couldn't be acting like a bumbling idiot in front of the first pretty dame he'd met that didn't look at him with pity.

"I'm Jane," she held out his hand for him to shake. "Foster. I'm an astrophysicist. I think you already met my assistant. Darcy? The loud one. I'm sorry if she offended you. She's generally doesn't have a filter, no matter how much I try to get her to lay back."

He could only shake his head, swallow, and stare. Like the idiot that he was.

She smiled at him again and his heart skipped a beat. "She was fine." Of course. 

"She needs help," she laughs, which causes him to laugh in relief.

"The first time she met Steve. She asked him to strip for an art project she was doing for one of her classes. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Darcy was a poli-sci major and had graduated a year earlier."

That must've been before the modern world got it's grip on his gullible friends heart. Before the Winter Soldier. Before the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Before Ultron and the Civil War. Before the Snap. 

"Anything to help a lady in need. That's Steve's motto."

"Steve isn't Steve anymore. Not really. I mean he is but he isn't. That's a little weird, I bet. For you."

"It's not easy."

"Well. What about you? How have you been handling this? Everything? It must be different getting use to all this."

He nodded. 

"Well I'm here if you need to talk."

"Do you dance?"

"I do. Sometimes."

"Can I take you out sometime? Dancing, I mean."

"Sure, as long as you'll let me buy you dinner."

"Doll, I asked. It's my treat."

"Barnes. You'll have an easier time of this if you just let me buy," she grinned. 

He couldn't. His sensibilities wouldn't allow it. 

He had to. 

"Fine. But the next time, dinners on me."

"Next time?"

"I, in no way, will be done with you after one dance doll."

This time, her jaw dropped and he smiled. 

This was a war that he would enjoy fighting.


End file.
